I admit it. I'm already completely overwhelmed with this. Over the weekend, I got off to a good start. The first few choices were simple. Now, a few days later, I'm struggling.
I went to my butcher twice this week, hoping to find grass-fed beef for Christmas dinner, but he wasn't available either time. There was no one, and no labeling, to tell me anything about the origin of the meat, and suddenly the food that has always been so appetizing there just seemed... off. Even the Prime beef seemed gray to me. It wasn't physically any different than it has been all along, but my new knowledge, and guilt, ruined it for me. So now, on December 23rd, I have no Christmas dinner and no idea where I'm going to find one.
Meanwhile, I'm still trying to use up and clean out the items already in our pantry and freezer. It's really been a bit of a junk food last hurrah this week. Normally, we'd only have these things once in a blue moon, as a special treat, but this week we've been eating worse than ever in our efforts to get rid of all this stuff. There have been a few small healthy breaks, of course, like homemade mac & cheese, and buttermilk pancakes, also made from scratch, but there have been other meals made entirely of frozen "snacks" and leftovers. Ugh.
I'm sure the normal stress of the holidays is part of my frustration as well. Honestly, while my family loves our traditional roast beast with Yorkshire pudding, we're not having any guests this year, and the kids will be more concerned with whatever Santa brings. Still, not knowing what I'm serving them is stressful to me. In fact, my new awareness of the global picture is really messing up everything for me. We all know that we need to "go green" to save the Earth. It's a big, sweeping generalization that we accept, and then get back to our lives. This time, when the blinders came off, I got the whole picture at once, and I can't get it out of my mind. I need environmental sunglasses. Do I put Chapstick in the kids' stockings, or spend $6 on Burt's Bees lip balm? How many of these ingredients are corn derivatives? I can't believe I threw out those greens - I really should have composted them, shouldn't I? But we don't own our land, and a plastic compost bin seems hypocritical. And what about my diet coke addiction? I can't make all these changes and survive the holidays without my coke fix! It's OK as long as I recycle the cans, right?
Everywhere I look, I see chemicals. I feel like Monk, only dumber. And at least his germs are natural! I'm about ready to freak out and run to the hills like some crazed mountain mama, which I'm pretty sure would put a real damper on the ol' holiday spirit.
In an effort to regain my sanity and preserve my small children's Christmas magic, I'm going to try one more (high-end) grocery store for the makings of Christmas dinner. If they have good stuff, great. If they don't, they don't. Fine. The new water filter should be here today or tomorrow. I was only hoping to have it in place by the beginning of the New Year, so anytime soon is still well ahead of schedule. I will clean my home with the natural, and chemical, cleaners I have been using right along so that I have a clean home and mind. And I will try to get a bit more quiet time and fresh air, both of which are green and good for the soul. That's all I'm planning to accomplish this week, people. That's all my feeble mind (I'm also about to have another birthday) can handle in the midst of the holiday madness.
Breathe in, breathe out. Take one baby step at a time. Enjoy the present, and look forward to a brighter future. Merry Christmas, Everyone.
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