Anyone who knows me is undoubtedly watching my true colors come out as this blog progresses. No, I'm not a junk-food addict - I'm not quite that far off the target. What I am is a bit sharp-tongued, and keeping this experience positive is a bit of a struggle for me sometimes. I want to do the right thing, to find the good in everything and everyone, to triumph in every battle, but alas, I'm from Maine. We're not known for our kindness, or even civility, and while we're not impatient like, say, New Yorkers, we don't tolerate nonsense for long. I'm not likely to quit anything, ever, upon pain of death... but I am likely to chuck something to the side and start over a whole new way. Cut my losses, as it were. Am I giving up? Hell, no. Just trying another tack. What, you ask, could possibly drive a visionary such as myself to the brink so soon after starting this mission? No more or less than other families, I'm sure, but here's what's getting to me.
We got 3 days notice that my husband's work schedule would be changing to nights, so now he's gone from noon to almost midnight. So now, dinner is me and 2 small children. How many brand-new, organic, whole-food meals do you think you could get in your kids before they just push it away and go to bed hungry? I've been lucky to find a few things they've enjoyed, but c'mon, even grown-ups don't like to change everything all at once.
I never heard back from the Berkey people why my fluoride filters won't work, and when I do, I'm going to ask them why the spout leaks if it's in any direction but sideways. The organic farm I found is asleep for the winter, I guess. I had to ask around because I never made it on their contact list. I also never made it on the contact list for the local eggs. These things happen, but in both cases I spent time and money and wrote neatly and one would think they'd want me back.
I have been a bit under the weather myself, and in my case, it's an autoimmune condition which prevents me from eating. My immune system mistakes my gut for the enemy and attacks. It's just lovely. It's kind of like having the flu, for no good reason, for weeks at a time. You can probably imagine I'm not much of a chef when I feel like that. Sadly, sometimes I get so hungry that I dream in food. A few nights ago I dreamt of a lemon-ginger chicken and a grilled romaine salad with shaved frozen vinegar... ummmmm, yummy! Even worse, when I woke up, I had all the ingredients, but I still couldn't eat it. I'm in foodie hell.
To be honest, I don't know that my dream meal would be all that anyway. I still haven't been able to find local, pastured chicken, and romaine is out of season, I think. I'm not giving up real Parmesan, so I'll have to swallow the carbon cost of importing it from Italy. We might still have some local lemons here in Florida, if the cold season hasn't killed them all off this year. As for the ginger, I know it's originally from Asia, but it's tropical, so maybe I could find some from around here, except for the farm being closed and the killing frost and all.
What's a girl to do? I've gone back to whole foods for now. I'm trying to give my family real food, minimally processed and simply prepared. Sometimes I have no idea how far it's come, but at least the ingredient list is simple. Sweet potato: contains 1 sweet potato, just as an example. If I see something local, great! I'll get it if it's not too expensive. I'm still struggling with the meat supply. The few - very few - pieces of grass-finished beef I've found have been frozen and, well, just ugly. Then there are the grand ranches in the West who raise great herds of naturally pastured animals, but then I'd have to ship the meat across the country in freezer packs at great speed and expense. Wouldn't the shipping offset the quality of the meat?
There is a silver lining to all this. Money. Going back to basics, and cutting back on meat, since I can't find much anyway, has really stretched our grocery budget. I spend less now on my family of 4 than I did when it was just the two of us eating anything we wanted. Well, that and hearing my 6-year-old tell me, "Your pizza is a trillion times better than Domino's! If they tried your pizza, they'd close the store and come here and beg for your pizza!". Yeah, for that kind of love I guess I can carry on.
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