Momnivore Meltdown

Have you ever fallen off the wagon? Been derailed by a some unforeseen force? Fallen flat on your face? Heck, forgotten the mission ("Squirrel!")? Yeah, that's me. The past, oh, month or so has been less than stellar, mission-wise. So it's confession time.

The greenest product I've bought was a pint of Ben & Jerry's. My son's 7th birthday party was an Alien/Outer Space theme, filled with glow in the dark toys and silly string, which can't possibly be natural. We used chemical warfare to rid Fido of fleas, and our favorite farm is on hiatus from the Farmer's Market until fall. My little container garden has all but died, for no reason I can discern, and Basil the Toad seems to have moved out. No, I haven't done well at all lately.

On the other hand, our A/C broke for almost a week, so we saved a lot of energy by not using it. We also saved a lot of personal energy by not moving much that week. We ate very little, mostly fruits and vegetables, since it was too hot to cook, or eat, and we didn't need the calories anyway since we'd given up moving. Since we were eating so much less, I could afford more organic, if not local, food. All in all, I guess we just about broke even. And the Ben & Jerry's was delicious.

I'd like to say I'm back on track now, but I'm not. I finally balanced my checkbook for the first time in several weeks, which only goes to show how far I'd fallen. In a few days we're off on a family vacation, and since it's not an eco-vacation, I doubt we'll conserve much of anything. We're staying in a commercial hotel, eating at restaurants and going to tourist attractions - generally being ugly, wasteful Americans. To be honest, I'm really looking forward to it. After that, it's time for back to school, and that mandatory supply list is always long and expensive. My children also insist on growing, so now I'll have to put them in bigger clothes, i.e. shop. I, personally, can't wedge myself into clothes I bought only a few months ago, but let's not go there.

So is there an end, or a new beginning in sight? Perhaps. At least I feel guilty for not living better, and that's a start. Eventually it may drive me to work harder again. Frankly, for a thick-blooded Yankee like me, summer heat is just like an "Off" switch. My brain fails, my will fails, all motivation is lost. Call me a big wuss, but I just can't take the heat in Florida in summer. I've been trying for years, but I just can't hack it. Even my kids are fantasizing about blizzards by now, and they're almost too little to remember snow. Even in Florida, though, this heat can't last forever. I'm hopeful that I'll get a second wind when it cools off a bit, maybe in October or November, at the latest. In the meantime, I hope the guilt kicks in for me, and that my shameful confession, if it sounds at all familiar to you, gives you permission to forgive yourself and start fresh.

Namaste'